SHOPPING SHOPPING · THE $1,200 RECTANGLE WITH SLIGHTLY BETTER SHADOWS

SHOULD I BUY A NEW PHONE?

Your current phone has a tiny scratch and the camera on the new model has 4% more pixels. Is it time to drop twelve hundred dollars?

COMMON SCENARIOS:
Phone is 1 year old (still perfect) Phone is 4 years old (battery dies in 40 min) Screen is completely shattered New color came out Storage is permanently full of memes Carrier offering a "free" upgrade contract

BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING STUPID

RULE #1

THE SMARTPHONE PLATEAU.

Smartphones reached peak innovation in 2020. Upgrading every year gives you roughly 3% faster scrolling and zero additional happiness.

RULE #2

THE BATTERY REPLACEMENT SECRET.

Most "slow" phones are simply suffering from degraded lithium-ion battery throttling. Spend $70 on an official battery swap and your phone will feel new for two more years.

FREQUENTLY AVOIDED QUESTIONS

Is the "free phone" deal from my carrier real?

Nothing from a telecommunications corporation is free. You are locking into an inflated 36-month plan.

When should I actually upgrade?

When security updates stop or when the hardware fails to perform basic calls, navigation, and camera duties.